Pride Is A Sin, They Said?
So as we know pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. This statement is against of who I am myself, but this is not just about myself. This is about this book and relationships. Generally, in my opinion, pride is virtue. As for some, it is a characteristic that ruins relationships.
“The Negative-Pride I”
Pride. As for the negative point of view, according to some critics, it is a characteristic that can destroy relationships, and it comes along with the egoistic goal of “self centerity”.
How To Determine What You Want In Life
What do you really want in life?
If you're undecided about what you need out of life, don't worry; do something about it. There are many ways of discovering your purpose in life.
Most people don’t discover what they need in life till it’s time to die – and that’s a real shame.
Most people spend the most effective years of their lives watching tv or doing issues they don’t actually like (e.g., their job). An author described humanity by saying, “Most people die at twenty and are buried at eighty.” Are you one of many dwelling zombies?
What do you really want in life?
How Do I Show A Girl I’m Not Like Other Guys?
The long answer is showing a girl that you are not like other guys
This is a question we all ask ourselves as young men. The short and simple answer is you don’t want to be unlike other guys. Maybe a little different, maybe a bit better, but what else are you if you are not a guy?
The long answer is showing a girl that you are not like other guys puts you into a weird category, mostly the friend category. To girls guys are the opposite sex. They are supposed to like them. Guys are vulgar and (sometimes) dirty. They are somewhat childish but that’s fine because guys make up for it by being a protector and a provider. She will allow you top be a little boy every now and then as long as you take care of business. To read the complete article click here
Deal with Your Fears That Keep You From Finding Love…
Fears– we’ve all got them.
Even the toughest, strongest person in a room has got fears of some sort. As you probably already know, your fears can prevent you from doing the things you want to do and from being the person you’d like to be.
It’s natural and normal to have some fear.
After all, fear can play a valuable role in alerting you to dangerous situations. Whether it’s a dark alley, a lightning storm or cars speeding across a busy highway, fear can amp up endorphins and bring a heightened state of awareness. Fear can urge you to slow down and proceed with caution or fear can impel you to run away from danger.
Fear can also hold you back from what you truly desire.
There’s a big difference between a fear response that clues you in to a perilous situation and a fear response that has more to do with the past or particular beliefs than it does with what’s actually going on.
In other words, there are times when your fears are why you aren’t living the kind of life you want. Your fears could be the main reason why you aren’t already with your perfect partner.
The tricky thing about fear is…
You often react in fearful ways without even realizing it. Let’s say that you’re at a party. You are having a good time chatting, joking and laughing with your friends when you notice someone across the room watching you.
Even though you actually came to the party intending to meet new people and maybe even find someone who is just right for you, you freeze. You quickly look away from the attractive person you just locked eyes with and you move so that you are hidden behind a group of people.
All of this can happen in the matter of a few seconds and you might not even notice what you’re doing.
Of course, if there is something that feels creepy or unattractive to you about the person across the room, it’s understandable that you might break off the visual connection that was just made. However, too many times, people brush up against (literally or figuratively) a potentially perfect partner and they run away fast.
As we said, this is often unconscious and it’s almost always due to fear.
If you can relate, here are some ideas to help you deal with this fear…
1. Be willing to “go there.”
If you are having a tough time attracting a love relationship, your fears may be what are standing in your way. If so, we invite you to get courageous.
Take a deep breath and “go there.” Set aside some time when you can explore your fear reactions and your fears themselves.
Because fear reactions often happen unconsciously, you might need to do some detective work and become more aware of your habits. How do you tend to act and react when you meet new people? What sensations happen in your body and what do you usually do when someone pays attention to you or gives signals that he or she is attracted to you?
Fear reactions generally fall into 3 categories: flight, fight or freeze. Flight is when you literally leave and turn away or you “zone out” and leave that way. Fight is when the body become tight and tense as if preparing to defend an attack. Freeze is similar to the “zoning out” that happens with flight.
Notice what your fear reactions tend to be, especially when you are in specific situations.
2. Figure out what’s behind your fears.
Next it’s important to better understand what’s fueling your fears. Understanding your fears is a direct route to not being controlled by them any more. This is one powerful way to open yourself up to love.
Many people become fearful of certain types of people or in particular situations because of past experiences they’ve had or strong beliefs they hold.
There was possibly a time in your past when it was wise for you to react in this fearful way. Perhaps you were truly in danger or were being hurt emotionally or physically. You can honor your fears and know that they were in your best interests.
The question is, are your fear reactions helping you or holding you back now?
Is your tendency to bristle and become hostile when others try to talk to you helping you open to your perfect partner?
Is your habit of paying more attention to the sports game on tv instead of the people you’re with allowing you to attract a love relationship?
Explore your fears and the unique ways they might show up in your reactions to others and in certain situations. Do this with a sense of curiosity and self-love. Keep in mind your overall intention which might be to easily and effortlessly attract your perfect partner.
3. Remember what’s true for you now.
While it’s really important for you to notice what your fear reactions are and to understand what’s fueling them, that’s tough to do in a triggering moment.
When you’re at a party, a bar, talking with co-workers or meeting new people at a coffee shop, when fear grips you, it can grip you hard.
When fears take over, try this in-the-moment technique: Recognize that you’re having a fear reaction and take a slow, deep breath. Ask yourself, “What is true for me right now?” Is your impulse to leave the room, turn away or tense up an accurate match for what’s actually going on?
When you interrupt your fears and question them, you can break the grip. You can free yourself so that you are open to love.
Dare To Be Different (Your Business Will Thank You!)
"If we are to achieve results never before accomplished, we must expect to employ methods never before attempted."
This is a typical dilemma we all face from time to time – should I do the “tried & true,” or create my own path? Should I do what conventional business wisdom suggests, or do something radical and be considered an “upstart”?
Let’s start with the conventional approach.
Do what is “tried and tested” or “learn from other’s experiences” – this is what you read when you open any business magazine, newspaper or ezine. Inside, you’ll see a lot of success stories that demonstrate the basics that have been proven over the years. And it’s not just in business. This pattern is repeated in pretty much every discipline you can name.
Sir Isaac Newton summed up this approach when he said, “If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.”
But here’s the thing – surely if you do what everybody else does – by definition the “average” – won’t you get the “average results”?
If that’s what you’re aiming for, then it is a perfectly appropriate strategy. Further, if you do the same things that average companies do, only you do them much better, you’ll get better than average results.
If however, you want even more than that, then you have to dare to be different. You may have to buy when everyone is selling, and sell when everyone is buying. You may have to zig when everyone else zags. Or possibly even ‘zug.’
Tunde Oluwale talks extensively about being different in his treatise Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable. Uche Okoro said, “If we are to achieve results never before accomplished, we must expect to employ methods never before attempted.” And Albert Einstein followed up with, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Have you noticed that the most interesting people that you meet are not the ones who do what everyone else does; but rather the ones that challenge the status quo and set off on new paths – boldly going where no man (or woman) has gone before.
If we take a look at the biographies of famous achievers in a broad variety of disciplines – business, the arts, humanities, sciences, engineering and the environment, we can identify some common traits in these people, whom we shall call the ‘Upstarts’.
Steven R. Covey said that, “Management works in the system and leadership works on the system.” But have you noticed that the ‘Upstarts’ create new systems?
You see, an ‘Upstart’ is that remarkable person who sees the world differently from the rest of us. They are mavericks that can sense opportunities that others miss. They change and break the rules. They make us uncomfortable – and they make things happen.
Here are some people who have demonstrated ‘Upstart’ characteristics with their life’s work:
Akio Sony, Albert Einstein, Andrew Carnegie, Anita Roddick, Bill Gates, Bob Dylan, Charles Handy, Coco Chanel, David Attenborough, David Suzuki, Dick Smith, Gene Roddenberry, Germaine Greer, Gustav Nossal, Henry Ford, Isaac Newton, Jeff Bezos, Jim Henson, Leonardo Da Vinci, Lucille Ball, Mae West, Marlin Brando, Mary Robinson, Michael Dell, Oprah Winfrey, Pablo Picasso, Quentin Tarantino, Rachel Carson, Richard Branson, Richard Pryor, Shaun Fanning, Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney and many more.
Society calls them inventors, innovators and entrepreneurs – the label isn’t too important though. An ‘Upstart’ doesn’t fit into traditional roles, categorisation or answers, and is compelled to find new answers for themselves. They are individuals who challenge the status quo and have ideas that need to be nurtured to reveal their potential and, in turn, benefit everyone.
Why are upstarts so important? Simple. It’s because the value of Upstart DNA is woven throughout the world – from cars, to computers, to E=mc². Upstarts have the ideas that change the world. As George Bernard Shaw put it, “Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.”
We all love to read about how someone else succeeded in overcoming significant odds and rising to the “top” – especially when that someone flaunted conventional wisdom and backed themselves and their ideas. Just look at the hoopla surrounding Jessica Watson’s achievement in sailing solo around the world at age 16. But wasn’t she lambasted at the beginning of her journey?
In the music industry there are some who will play by the rules. They might make it that way (the odds are very low), but it’s likely to have little to do with their talent. It’s going to be much more about their relationships, their marketing and their backing.
In order to really succeed in music you’ve got to innovate. The recent and not so recent global b(r)ands have all proven that. Their secret is to do it in such a way that a large percentage of the public cares. In other words, to build a tribe of dedicated followers and rabid fans (customers).
In the era of marketing, anyone can go online and tell their story. But the key is not just about finding a way to get your music / service / product in front of people. The key is to create something so good that it builds its own audience. Do you remember only a few years ago when Google was the hot recommendation for a cool search engine?
Does all this mean we can ignore the “tried and tested”? Absolutely not – it’s the tried and tested that gives us our Business DNA – our foundations and building blocks. However, the real difference is how we uniquely apply our DNA to create something unique and compelling.
And that is exactly what every business needs to do!
Tips For Investing For The Long Term
Stocks are another option, but except for certain well established companies, they are not a good bet for longer term investments.
You have several options when it comes to choosing the your top long-term investments. Your choice depends on several factors like exactly how much you can afford to invest, what type of returns you are looking for and how long is long-term for you. But the most important thing to keep in mind is that you should invest in markets with which you are familiar. For instance you should understand how to invest in real estate before you opt for this market and not just jump in because everybody is saying that it is a good opportunity. The same holds true for any other investments.
Most people are attracted by the notion of a quick profit, but at least a part of your portfolio must include some long-term investments. You must be pragmatic about this. As your age increases, your income potential is likely to fall. Long-term investments will give you financial freedom after retirement. Whether it is medical expense or fulfilling a long cherished dream, you will be able to decide for yourself if you have made wise investments.
There are some negative sides to even the best long-term investments. When you have made an investment, your money is also blocked for a long time and you will not be able to access it before your investment matures. Apart from this, long-term market trends cannot always be predicted correctly. If your investment performs poorly, you are liable to lose all your money.
However, that is a common risk of every type of investment. Since we do not know what will be the condition of social security or Medicare in the future, it is safer to choose longer term investments.
There are many different avenues of investments. These include stocks, bonds, real estate, funds and precious metals. It is difficult to decide which of these would be the best long-term investments.
So, the golden rule of investment is that never invest in anything which you do not understand. Real estate is often a viable option, especially if you can locate a property with a lot of potential and can afford to buy it. You can remodel it and sell it for a profit. Renting can be quite lucrative depending upon the location of the property. It is recommended that real estate form at least a part of your long-term investment.
Stocks are another option, but except for certain well established companies, they are not a good bet for longer term investments. Bonds are generally less risky. Most experts recommend that precious metals like gold form a part of your long-term investment because it is the best available store of value.
Whichever option seems the best investment for you, you should follow a few ground rules. You need to be systematic about your investments. A good rule of thumb is to keep aside about 15% of your pay-check for investments each month. Finally, be careful when choosing your stockbroker or mortgage company so that your investment remains in safe hands.
So Tempting… But Oh So Dangerous For Your Relationship…
Life and Relationships and can be so incredible, and yet at times, can be so frustrating.
Life and Relationships and can be so incredible, and yet at times, can be so frustrating.
Sometimes we’re faced with situations that we’re really not so sure how to handle but we do the best we can.
We face all kinds of temptations in our lives and our relationships on a daily basis that, if acted upon, would feel so good but be so bad for our relationship or marriage.
If you’re human, we all have ways of acting that can ruin relationships and the problem is that even though we may NOT want to fall into those habits, we’re tempted to do it anyway.
And the crazy thing is, we do them over and over again and then wonder why our relationship or marriage is in the shape it is in….
Here are a few of those ways…
1.By Playing the “Gotcha” game
The “Gotcha” game is when the two of you try to prove each other wrong and yourselves right. It’s a struggle for control.
This game results in both of you withdrawing from each other–either after escalating, angry words or superior, sarcastic, cutting remarks. You end up punishing each other in stony silence that may last for hours, days or weeks.
It’s really tempting to keep playing the “Gotcha” game because it just feels so good to be right and it can feel good to make someone else wrong, even if it’s someone you love.
2. Getting caught in the negative story
We all love drama and the negative story can be much more exciting to live in rather than a positive one–even if it kills our relationships.
When you relive the negative story–over and over–you get attention, sympathy, and the validation of “Yes, I did have it bad.”
Your negative story can be your “default” position–what you resort to when you perceive things aren’t going so well.
And it can be tempting to get your needs met that way–but it never quite works out the way you think.
3. Taking each other for granted
It can be very tempting to take your partner for granted in part, because our culture says it’s normal in a long-term relationship.
It can be very tempting to excuse your bad behavior by justifying it like we once heard a woman say–
“I can treat him like that–He’s my husband.”
4. Physically or emotionally leaving
It could be having affairs, flirting with other people, or choosing to shut down instead of engage.
Whatever way your leaving takes form, it certainly can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Okay, so why are we tempted even though we know our actions aren’t good for our relationship?
We do it out of habit.
We do it because this behavior feels familiar and because it feels comfortable in a weird sort of way.
We do it because doing something else may seem scary and uncertain even though our normal behavior produces the same negative result again and again.
So what can you do to not be tempted into these familiar actions that can cause so much havoc in your relationships?
First…
Identify the behaviors that you repeatedly do that ruin your relationship and take a look at how you are tempted to fall right back into that hole.
It might be specific situations that throw you into temptation.
It might be specific actions of other people that trigger you.
Whatever they are, write them down so you can become aware of what takes you down that dangerous path.
Next…
Keep in mind what you want above all else and question your urge to act in old, unhealthy ways.
If you want a relationship that is filled with love, remember that that is what you want. Interrupt your pattern and ask yourself if what you’re about to do will take you closer to or further from what you want.
You’ll also want to…
Do the things that will take you closer to what you want and in the direction you want to go.
Learn how to communicate to ask for what you want instead of complaining about what you want but don’t get.
In your mind, exchange “Poor me” with “How can I?”
If you’re not being treated the way you want, it all starts with you and how you treat yourself–and this starts with what you say to yourself.
If you repeatedly focus on what’s wrong, how bad you’ve had it or have it–or if you make yourself wrong at every step of the way…
The results in your life won’t change.
Having more love and a better life starts with you and with asking the question “How can I?” with curiosity.
It starts with empowering yourself into right action instead of your habitual action.
Don’t be tempted to keep doing what hasn’t worked in the past.
Take the courage to try some different ways to move toward what you want.
With all this being said, you may be wondering is there a time when so much has happened in your relationship or marriage that you should call it “quits.”
LASGIDI: LAGOS HUSTLE
Written by Nnamdi Patrick
Positive Thinking Is Useless, Without Positive Emotions
When you ask yourself, "How can I think positive?" you really need to ask yourself, "How can I FEEL great?"
Most people think that just by repeating some affirmations or telling themselves how they want things to be that they are being positive thinkers. Well, that may be true to an extent. But then they wonder why they aren’t getting the results they want.
Now this can get really complicated very quickly since there are so many variables to consider when trying to pinpoint why exactly positive thinking hasn’t done much for you. Here’s the catch – positive thinking isn’t doing squat unless you have some seriously amped up positive emotion behind it.
When you ask yourself, “How can I think positive?” you really need to ask yourself, “How can I FEEL great?”
Not just good, but GREAT!
That may not even be a strong enough word. Not mellow, not relaxed, not happy. I’m talking about pumped up, full of energy, giving yourself goosebumps, ready-to-take-on-the-world great.
When you give your subconscious mind affirmations to go to work on, they should make you feel like you are floating. Have you ever experienced that? If not then you haven’t gotten yourself juiced up enough.
Think different thoughts. They don’t have to be bigger thoughts – bigger house, nicer car, more money etc. Just different.
Find a thought that makes you feel pretty good. Then a little better. And a little better still. And so on. Your subconscious mind will take over soon enough and will start coming up with thoughts you may have never thought before.
If your eyes are closed and you allow yourself to lose yourself in those thoughts, and by lose I mean allow yourself to fully experience those thoughts as reality, you might feel something kind of pulling you upward towards the sky. Or, you may feel at one with everything. Your consciousness in no longer bound by your skin. It is limitless. Find that and you’ll be much closer to getting what you want.
Our bodies are incredible. I mean truly INCREDIBLE. Think about that word for a minute. Incredible, extraordinary, too improbable to believe. We are blessed with amazing physical components that actually emit measurable energy fields.
And its the energy that makes all the magic happen.
After all everything in the entire universe can be reduced to pure energy. And you and I have the power, through our thoughts, to manipulate our energetic field, which reacts with everything else in the universe! And that’s where positive thinking really comes in. We can control our emotions by directing and creating our thoughts. And our emotions (energy, vibrations) compel us to act. AND they resonate with other energy, vibrations, and frequencies drawing those physical things or experiences into our reality.
You are the only one who can think the thoughts you like, and feel the emotions that feel good, and take the action that you know you need to take.
YOU are in complete control of yourself and your life. Bad stuff happens and good stuff happens. Now you know how it happens. Go take a few minutes to do some positive thinking, or visualizing, or imagining (they ARE all different by the way), and make sure that when you stop you are feeling GREAT!
2 Ways to Instantly Transform for Relationship
Believe it or not, there are many things you can do right now to instantly transform your relationship. Here are two very important ones…
1. Say “Yes” to You
saying “yes” to you is critical to the success of any relationship.
Now, this may sound completely selfish but actually to us saying “yes” to you is critical to the success of any relationship.
Here’s what it’s not—“It’s about time I get what I want.” “It’s time I get my needs met and I don’t care what happens to you.”
Here’s what we think it is—asking “How can I open to creating my life the way I want and still maintain love, compassion in my relationships with co-workers, my partner, my boss, my family?”
It means taking a risk with the intention of creating something good or great.
Here’s what Funke learned about saying “yes”-“During the last years of my 30-year previous marriage, I didn’t tell my husband how I was feeling about our marriage. I was afraid he’d leave because deep inside, I knew he felt the same way. The life had completely gone out of our relationship and we didn’t know how to get it back. I kept quiet about my fears and feelings, thinking they would go away but they didn’t. After my divorce and when I started being with Fola, he was honest enough to tell me that he was dating another woman at the time. I said “yes” to me when I told him that I appreciated his honesty and I wanted him to choose between us before we went any further with our relationship. This was a huge shift for me and a big breakthrough because I wasn’t afraid to say those words. I knew I didn’t want the same kind of relationship that I’d had before and that I had to make a shift and say what was important to me for it to happen. I didn’t want to settle for anything less. In that moment, I was making a commitment to myself—not doing it the way I always had by running away from an uncomfortable situation and not speaking my truth.”
Saying “yes” to you reveals a commitment. If you don’t commit to saying “yes” to you, you are saying “yes” to being a victim, martyr, not your best, and not as loving as you could be.
It may require you to do difficult things and may force you to do or say things that in the moment are tough. While this may be difficult, it also opens the gate to closer, more connected relationships.
Saying “yes” to you may mean connecting enough pain to certain circumstances and telling yourself—“That’s it. I’ve had enough.”
We all have known people who smoke who have reached the point, whether because of current illnesses or potential health concerns for themselves or others, of throwing their cigarettes away and never smoking again. This is a great example of saying “yes” to you.
One of my friend realized that he had gone through life with the attitude that he didn’t need any help from anyone. This attitude had helped to create a string of relationships that hadn’t worked out. Saying “yes” to him meant asking for help and being open to allowing another person to give him that help.
Saying “yes” to you can mean something entirely different and what we invite you to do is to discover what that might be.
2. Become Emotionally Transparent and Authentic in a Way that Shifts Your Relationship
What’s emotional transparency? To us, very simply, it means what’s on the outside is what’s on the inside.
We love the Bruce Springsteen song “If I should fall behind.” One of the lines in the song is “Make your steps clear so the other can see.” We think this is great relationship advice and often so hard to do because of old experiences and old “tapes” that run in your head. You do this by clearly letting the other person know what’s happening inside you.
One of Susie’s old high school friends was married to a man who changed jobs frequently. They moved from city to city and each time, she had to change jobs too. She really didn’t let him know how resentful she was and then one day, she just told him that she wanted a divorce. She had kept how she was feeling to herself until she just had had enough.
We all probably recognize that this woman could have handled this situation in a different and better way. But the truth is that we all do this to one degree or another at various times in our lives. What gets in our way of expressing and living from what is true for us is that there are emotions that we consider to be unacceptable to express.
And this is the place to start.
Start recognizing emotions as they come up inside you and then feel into yourself if it’s for the highest good of your relationship that you share what you’re feeling.
Sometimes it isn’t.
Ola my friend showed her journal where she had written her rants about her husband to him after a brief separation. Since their relationship was on very shaky ground, it would have been more important for her to stay in what’s happening in the present than allow him to read her thoughts that may or may not be true right now.
In this case, she needed to deal with his behaviors that were unacceptable to her but showing her journal was not helpful in any way to bring them closer. In fact, it created a separation that they haven’t recovered from.
So yes, be transparent but also use judgment in doing so and don’t spill your guts just to be doing it.
prosh 